People pleasers and perfectionists are experts at softening their truth. But staying silent has a cost — in your relationships, your creativity, and how connected you feel to your own life. This week, poet David Gate joins Dr. Therese to talk about what it actually looks like to speak honestly without disclaimers, why beauty and friendship are the antidotes to despair, and why loneliness is the epidemic nobody is talking about enough.
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In This Episode
David Gate is a poet and author of A Rebellion of Care whose poetry has amassed a devoted following on Instagram — Dr. Therese proudly among them. He writes about grief, rage, despair, and the difficulty of being human without disclaimers or pre-apologies. In a world that constantly asks high achievers to be more palatable, he’s doing the opposite — and this conversation explores what it might look like for you to do the same.
Here’s some of what they get into:
Why perfectionists get in their own way — and why David recommends The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control by Katherine Morgan Schafler for anyone who’s ever stalled on something they really wanted to create
Truth-telling without disclaimers — what it means to trust your reader, trust your listener, trust the person in front of you enough to say the true thing without softening it first
Beauty as the antidote to despair — David’s answer to existential darkness isn’t to push harder or think more positively. It’s to deliberately add beauty to your life, and why that’s more radical than it sounds
Creativity as mental health — David lives with depression and says creativity is the most important thing for his wellbeing.
The loneliness epidemic — why loneliness is the thing destroying us and how friendship will save us.
Dr. Therese also shares something personal in this one — about losing her brother to suicide and what David’s writing about reasons to stay meant to her. It’s a tender episode. One of her favorites this season.
Key Quotes
“Saying something true in a world awash with lies is the first act of rebellion.” — David Gate
“I have to trust the reader. The moment you add the disclaimer, you’ve started writing for the imagined critic instead of the actual human who needed to hear it.” — David Gate
“Creativity is the most important thing for my mental health. When I’m creating, that’s when I feel most alive.” — David Gate
“Beauty really is the biggest antidote to despair.” — David Gate
“Loneliness is the real cancer eating us right now.” — David Gate
“I keep showing up — in whatever state I’m in.” — David Gate
“Beauty isn’t a distraction from the hard stuff. It’s the thing that keeps us human enough to keep going.” — Dr. Therese
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About Checking In:
This podcast is for high-achievers, perfectionists, and eldest daughters who look like they have it all together while they struggle with burnout. Think of Dr. Therese like a big sister with a doctorate who’s been there too and knows what actually helps.
No confusing academic jargon or pretending she has all the answers. Just real conversations about building a life you don’t need to escape from.
New episodes every Thursday.
About David Gate
David Gate is a poet, writer, and author of A Rebellion of Care (Convergent/Penguin Random House). He grew up in North London and now lives in Asheville, North Carolina, where he writes, mills flour, and tends to a one-acre homestead. He’s working on his second book.
Resources Mentioned
• The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control by Katherine Morgan Schafler: https://www.amazon.com/Perfectionists-Guide-Losing-Control-Peace/dp/059332952X
• Season 1 — Complex Shame Explained w/ Dr. Zoe Shaw: https://exploringtherapy.substack.com/p/complex-shame-explained-w-dr-zoe
• Up next: Abi Owens, nutritionist, on the gut-brain connection
About Dr. Therese
Dr. Therese Mascardo is a Filipina-American psychologist and author of Love The Journey. For over a decade, she’s been in therapy rooms noticing patterns most people never get to see: what happens right before someone breaks through to genuine joy, what keeps people stuck, what actually helps when everything feels heavy.
Her mission is to help people love their lives so they never want to leave them.
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